I saw an article in the Economist the other day that had some statistics on “The Great Recession” and how it has effected everyones lives. I bet you or someone you are close to have suffered from this recession.

“consider the findings of a recent Pew survey on how this recession has changed America 30 months after it started. More than half of all workers have experienced a spell of unemployment, taken a cut in pay or hours or been forced to go part-time. The typical unemployed worker has been jobless for nearly six months. Collapsing share and house prices have destroyed a fifth of the wealth of the average household. Nearly six in ten Americans have cancelled or cut back on holidays. About a fifth say their mortgages are underwater. One in four of those between 18 and 29 have moved back in with parents. Fewer than half of all adults expect their children to have a higher standard of living than theirs, and more than a quarter say it will be lower.”

“Another way to put this is that for many Americans the great recession has been the sharpest trauma since the second world war, wiping out jobs, wealth and hope itself. ”

Wow, that last line of wiping out hope itself. I, for one, hope that is not so.

When Cheri and I were married 31 years ago I never imagined we would still be this happy after all of these years. To explain my skepticism let me give you a little background.  Cheri and I came from families where our parents had fallen out of love when we were still young. Sure they stayed together but we all knew it was for show. It is what you did in the 60’s; divorce was a very bad thing so you stayed together for the kids. So imagine how concerned we were that we could make this work when others we loved could not.

To be fair I was so scared of making a commitment that it took me 5 years of dating just to get married! We were young and had no idea how we could get through the challenges that lay ahead; children, careers, crisis, illness and recessions. But we took a chance anyway and 31 years later we love each other more than ever.

How did we do it? I’ll tell how - we both made a commitment to love each other forever, to not let anything get in the way and we stuck to that commitment. I was asked several years ago what was my secret to a long and loving relationship. My answer was “you have to work hard at it every day, especially when you don’t feel like it”. As you can imagine that did not go over very well. Too many people have a fairy tale idea about marriage and believe if you find your soul mate (what ever that means) love comes easy. Sorry, but I don’t agree, life throws way too many things at you. Now, I must admit that I was lucky to find a partner who shared my values because I was way too naive and immature in my twenties to make such a wise choice.

So if you are looking for my secret to a successful at life all you need to know is that if you work hard and surround yourself with people you love you have a chance and it doesn’t hurt to have a little luck along the way.

Happy anniversary honey, I love you more every day.

That seems to be the question everyone is asking. One day we hear that retail sales are up and the next we hear that home sales are down. So is the recovery here? Really?

I have to admit that I am just as confused about the economy as the next person. I do believe the recession is over but can we really call it a recovery when we have double digit unemployment and millions of homes on the verge of foreclosure? I read the other day that a majority of economists think the economy is headed in the right direct but that does not give me much comfort so I look for my leading indicators:

1. Traffic - the traffic in Raleigh at rush hour is still much lighter than it was a few years ago but heavier than it was 12 months ago. Positive

2. Shopping - the last time I was at the mall it was not crowded at all but when I went to Wal Mart and Dollar Tree it was packed. I heard Crammer (Mad Money) say that people shop at dollar stores because they are hunting for bargains not because they enjoy shopping (we do that more at malls). Negative

3. Charities - I was amazed to see how much money was raised for Haiti and there are indications that charitable gifts are on the rise after two years of decline. Since donations to charitable organizations are purely discretionary this is a good sign. Positive

So there you have it. The recovery is here, but just barely based on my top three leading indicators. The recovery is here, really. Now, when will we see wages rise and employment improve? Your guess is as good as mine.

Change.

The word alone strikes fear in many people. Over the last few years we have seen difficult and painful change so I understand why people are so apprehensive about change. But if you really think about it we can’t live a full life without change.

Do you want to still be 18 years old and going to high school….forever? Would you like to be making the same wage you made at your first job? Would you like to be living in the same place you did when you first moved out of the house with your parents?

Change is essential to living a full life so I would urge you to change the way you think and about change. Embrace it. Celebrate it. Enjoy it. Just remember that the alternative is to have no change at all and I for one do not want that to happen.

When I was young I spent an entire afternoon riding the roller coaster at Dorney Park in Allentown PA (check it out at www.dorneypark.com). It was one of those great memories that only get better each time I remember it. The problem is that as I got older the joy of riding a roller coasters, specifically when I was in my 40’s at Six Flags in San Antonio, was replaced by two days of aches and pains from tired, old muscles. For those who are young, trust me that one day you too will be sore after riding a roller coaster.

That is exactly the way this recession feels to me. When I was younger and starting my career in the late 70’s, recessions were exciting times. My youth and enthusiasm (some would say naiveté) allowed me to see these times as opportunities to change the status quo, shake up the establishment and invent new processes that were better, faster and cheaper for my customers. Now it just makes me feel tired and worn out by the constant change and uncertain future. One day we have news of a recovery with housing sales increasing for the 5th straight month and the next day I read that this is not sustainable because 90% of the sales were the result of foreclosures, short sales and government stimulus programs for first time home buyers. One day the stock market is up and gas prices are down then the trend reverses.

So I made a choice today to not let these challenging times wear me out but to embrace them the way I did when I was younger. This is really a great opportunity to change the status quo, shake up the establishment, be inventive and create news ways to take better care of my customers. After all the physical muscles that were sore after riding a roller coaster are not the same as our mental muscles that can get sore from constant change and uncertainty. Our mind can be strengthened immediately by just changing our attitudes, actions and ambitions. I think if everyone did this we would see this recovery take hold quickly but for now I can at least strengthen my mind and thrive in these challenging times.

How about you?

When I graduated from high school I wanted to be a news reporter or a TV anchor so I decided to take a year off (popular thing to do in the 70’s) and took an internship at the local TV news station in Miami. For six months I followed around a reporter and camera man covering Broward and Palm Beach Counties (yes, back then South Florida was small enough to only have one reporter for these two counties). The reporter I was assigned to told me time and again that our job was to report the news in a fair and balanced way. We were never supposed to “make” news or distort it in any way. Sound principles…..until I found out how everyone got paid. You see reporters made very little unless their story was picked up by other networks. If other stations ran their story they got paid more, not to mention receiving great publicity, and if they were fortunate to get picked up by a prime time national news program they earned even more.

Now, I don’t know how much a reporter made by having their stories picked up by other stations but I do know that every reporter wanted to catch a story worthy of national exposure. This served to increase their exposure in the industry and increase the size of their pay check. I soon realized that the down side of this was that it also created a conflict for reporters to their core values of fair and impartial reporting. You see everyone wanted a “scoop” and some reporters began to “make” news to get one.  I was young and it shook my core to know that not everyone followed the reporter’s creed. How naive I was!

Fast forward 30 + years and turn on TV news today. MSNBC spends most of their time bashing conservatives. Case in point, last night I was flipping through and they had the headline “Three days of the Cheney.”  I didn’t even have to listen; I knew what they were discussing. Next, I went to Fox News and they were talking about Nancy Pelosi and what she knew or didn’t know about water boarding. Again, I had to pass. In the days of 24 hour news, reporters and anchor’s no longer even pretend to be fair and balanced. They look for ways to make news out of anything they find. It is all about the ratings and to get ratings you need to be radical. To hell with values, ratings are what mater most and no one tunes in to hear fair and balanced. If they did, we would all still be watching the evening news with Dan Rather…oh yeah, he resigned over questions of fairness in his reporting. Never mind.

As most of you know, I did not end up on TV and now spend my days helping people buy and refinance homes. When I was younger I thought sales people were two faced, but what I really learned is that everyone, including reporters, may compromise their ethics for fame and prosperity. I work hard every day to make sure I do not compromise my ethics; no matter what fair and impartial news people say about people in my profession!

On Sunday I was clicking through the channels (this is soooo much harder to do with digital TV) and came across the movie “The Patriot” with Heath Ledger and Mel Gibson and I just had to watch it. It reminded me of what Independence Day is really all about. No, it is not about alcohol, fire works and barbecue (what a dangerous combination the first two make) even though that does make it more fun. It’s a reminder to everyone what sacrifices were made so that we could live in a free society. Living in North Carolina it is even more real to me as many people I have met had relatives that fought in the revolutionary war. Did you know that more North Carolinian died in the revolutionary war than any other colony?

So enough about what it means. What are the movies you like best about Independence Day? My two favorites are “The Patriot” and “Independence Day”. I know, Independence Day was considered by most critics as a flop but I really liked it. I remember going to see it in a packed movie theater on July 4th with all three of my sons. We all loved it. As I tell my wife, it’s a guy thing. Guys love movies with lots of action, plenty of things blowing up, a thin plot line that is easy to follow and not to much of that mushy romance stuff.

So let me know what movies you associate with Independence Day. It’s OK if they were not worthy of an academy award nomination.

I hired a new business coach and my first assignment was to make several lists: what I am grateful for; what I want to have in my life; what my perfect client looks like but the one that made the biggest impression on me was the list of things I regret and don’t want to repeat. My coach told me that once this list (and only this list) was complete I must tear it up and throw it away.

By knowing that this list was going to be destroyed, I was amazed at how much I was able to put on paper but more importantly, I was amazed at how good it felt to get all this off my chest. We are our own toughest critics and rarely forgive ourselves for past transgressions. For me, it took an exercise like this to see that for myself. It’s one thing to ask someone else for forgiveness and another to forgive your self. It is the act of forgiveness that opens up the opportunity to change.

So, if you want to free yourself from the burden of regret try making a list of the things in your life that you regret and don’t want to repeat. Then when you are done tear it up into little tiny pieces and throw it away (or you could just use a shredder like I did). Who knows, this may give you the opportunity to live a life without regret. Now that would be a good life.

I was fascinated by Rory Vaden’s blog post yesterday at www.takethestairstour.com that challenges you to identify the one word that defines you. For me the first word that came to mind was dignity.

By treating others with dignity it allows me to convey the respect I have for them. It conveys my belief that everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect even when we have had disagreements with them. I am always reminded of what my wife told our children when they were growing up. She would quote Thumpers father (from the movie Bambi) who said “If ya can’t say nothin nice, don’t say anything at all.” I would also hear my father’s words of wisdom when he told me that no matter how much you dislike someone because of what happened in the past you must always put a smile on your face and open your heart the next time you see them.

Dignity then is the word that defines me. It is the value that keeps me focused on others instead of myself and allows me to look for ways to be of service. I still address people whose names I do not know as Sir and Madam and I also try to always say please and thank you. It is the little things we do every time that shows other people that you care about them.

So, what is the one word that defines you? Please leave me a note and let me know.

Yesterday, after stopping by my home to drop off my dry cleaning and grab a bite to eat for lunch, I was returning to work when I saw a young man at the pond in our neighborhood. His fishing rod bent almost in half, he was waiving his arms frantically for someone to help. I pulled over to the side of the road and went to check to see what the problem was. Well, he had caught a 4 foot carp and had no idea how to get the hook out of the fish without harming him. He was very concerned for the safety of the fish and I later learned from his father that he had been trying for 9 months to catch the fish and had no interest in killing him. You see what had started out as a great challenge to catch the legendary “monster” fish in our community pond by this young man had now become a nightmare. The look of concern on his face made me realize that the death of the fish by his hand was just not something he could allow to happen.

After assessing the situation the first thing I did was congratulate him on his spectacular catch. Then I made sure to take a picture of him and the fish with my cell phone. This had the positive effect of eliciting a smile from this very worried young man named Kyle. He now knew that he had help to make sure the fish would live and he would have proof that he had caught the legendary monster fish from the Manchester pond.

So, dressed in a suit and tie, I wadded into the pond to rescue the fish only to be splashed repeatedly by the ungrateful fish ensuring that I was completely covered with mud before he swam to safety. And do you know how I felt? I felt fantastic, maybe not as happy as Kyle but happy none the less.

One of the neighbors who had also stopped to see what was happening commented to me that I had done my good deed for the day. The truth be told, it was the young man, Kyle that made my day. You see it feels great to be a hero even if it is only for a couple of minutes. So next time you get a chance to do good, take it, and let me know how it makes you feel.

We all are faced with challenges in life but these are also the opportunities each of us has to really do something special.